So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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