Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
