Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
