just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
