i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
