is your mom at the bar?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
