Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
