youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
