Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
