People with herpes should wear stickers.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
