her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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