My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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