hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
