Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We are all done wearing pants today
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
