Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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