so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
