Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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