dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
