I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
