I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
