My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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