I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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