Porn is love you can see.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
