I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize