I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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