Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize