oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
