put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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