do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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