We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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