Nicole vs. Life
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
