scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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