I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
