I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
