How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
