i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize