Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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