got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
