I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
