doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
