So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this will be a night to untag.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
