I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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