yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
