Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
