I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
