I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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