summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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