I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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