Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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