After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
