Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My dick has a subreddit
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
