I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
