Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
