I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
