I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
