I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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