i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
