so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
