just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
