chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
