i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
