Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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