i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
