I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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