Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
